Jive Turkey

We're thankful Truck Turner (Isaac Hayes) is not pursuing our pimpmobile and foiling our game.

Lundgren: The Real Norris

We know everybody thinks Chuck Norris is a superhero. We've heard the tall tales of epic Norris-ness, like, the fist under the beard and fathering Optimus Prime. Shit, I happen to know, on good authority, that only Chuck Norris can prevent forest fires. But, Did YOU know Dolph Lundgren is THE REAL DEAL?! We understand your confusion. But, the man has a list of accomplishments that would make the built-up, mythical Norris pee his pants. Chemical engineer, Fulbright scholar, Third degree black belt, ex-swedish elite marine, speaker of three languages, and ex-boyfriend of Grace Muthafuckin' Jones(WE were SO sure he was a white supremacist). We figured out his one fatal flaw was his lack of Norrisonian mysteriousness... oh well.