No Halloween is Complete without Makeup

Since we are independently wealthy, we decided to drop a ridiculous amount of money on a style consultant because we all know you can't pull off your slutty costume without good make-up. So we introduce Jesse Ireland to make them look at your face a little after they are tired of looking at your mini-skirt. Your crotch does get boring sometimes.... sometimes...

Creepy Sunday!!!!!

Nothing like spending your hang-over being reminded of the reason why you feel the need to get that drunk in the first place! Religion! So here is a little installment we like to call, "Creepy Sunday". We present Circle Square. It's a Faith-based children's program that shows us the joys of Sunday morning. Try to figure out which of the children on the program will have serious drug problems in their future! Or, which ones are on drugs while the program was being shot! Also, see if you can spot one particular child who looks like there might be a gun pointed at his or her head off-camera! Have fun! It's Creepy Sunday!!!!

Openly Asian

We hope you all know that we are asiaphiles. Really! Honestly, who doesn't want to hook up with a cute asian on a Friday night. If you don't, we think you are weird. So, here is a movie to remind you that there are cultural differences between you and the asian. If you don't notice any cultural differences, then they are not real asians. You got fooled. Pay attention.







There was much hullabaloo about that video being racist. We know. Asians don't eat Jello.

Watching the Past From the Future!!!!!!!

Do you like the fact that a bumble bee on a video game Looks like a bumble bee and not just 8 pixels of black and yellow that you interpret as a bee because of the deceivingly well-drawn cover. Well, we do, too. But, in some cases things are just better when they are not on the cutting edge of anything. Not talking about Scott Pilgrim. We are talking about the Telescreen on Conan. So, let's dive in and see why crappy superimposed mouths work so well when trying to digest Don King's greedy, fat ramblings, per se.

We Could All Learn A Lot from This Person................

I guess this could be called, "People That Inspire Us: Round 2". Yesterday we were re-inspired by politics and today we are re-inspried by science, specifically, genetics......

Putin' the Facial Hair Back in Politics!

We are back in to the politicking!!!!!!! This man has the answer to the REAL issue in the city! We can't holy-shittin' believe it! All the exclamation marks aren't helping me enough right now!!!! Jimmy McMillan; karate expert, politician, and VERY liberal on marriage rights. It's like if Black Dynamite was running! I'm quitting my job and volunteering for the campaign of this great man... and his break-through party. Happy fuckin' tuesday!!!

The Winner of the Ewok Look-Alike Contest!!!

A week ago we thought about holding some sort of contest because we saw Gizmodo holding a sexy robot contest and wanted to be just like them. Next, we put our minds together and decided that contests weren't our thing and got drunk. Again. Sorry mom. THEN, our friend gave us some pictures of her dog which made us laugh pretty hard(still drunk from before). So, we are proud to present the winner of "the Ewok Look-Alike Contest" that we never held!

Presented as "The Moods of an Ewok":

Inquisitive













Confused













Pooping

Jesus Built my Breakfast

Bake and I have our best people working on the 'Immaculate Convection Oven' but in the meantime you can sink your teeth into something that is equally stomach and life fulfilling.

























You've read the book, now you can eat the toast for only $39.95!

Penis Records

So, I don't know where this came from. Shark just made it appear from his magic bag of internet. I mean, I don't know the country of origin or place online. I don't know when either. but, if anyone would like to venture a guess as to any of the mysterious origins of this piece of important vinyl, or, some some of the actual music, we would promise not to think you are a pervert. We would know, though. We smell our own. I just have to say one thing about the next installment. Penis. There.

Chaka...

Not feeling black enough? It doesn't really matter. If you know about the following, you aren't. The color of your skin has no bearing here. Not anymore. For you have been taken to place in the internet that can only make you white. Really white. Sorry. This video just evokes paleness. Really old-school hip-hop AND Star Trek. I feel sorry for Shark. He was the one who found it and he used to be black. Just don't go any further if you value any sort of ethnicity you have. Even Italian.

Sorry we haven't been around... We were drunk.

We were trying to sell things to people in costume at Comic Con AND make the little Japanese people happy that we were making money for. And we all did it for free. So, you know what happens next when you make a bunch of people happy for nothing. You get bat-shit drunk!!!!!! So, sorry we left you for a second. We won't do it again. well, yes, we will. UNLESS, we can hire this guy every time we look lovingly at a beer.

Real stupid

In case you couldn't catch a clue from Charles we are going to drive it home today with even less talk and even more realness. Not a smoker? Well, you should be! Don't smoke Broadways? Well, you aren't a REAL smoker! Notice that it doesn't matter how old you are to be a REAL smoker in the next installment, either. I think one of the kids is, like, 12.

It's a Mandom Friday!

Ok. So, we have been a little verbose as of late. Be nice. Its our first week. We are taking a cue from a real man to make it ALLLLL better. Mr. Majestic, or Mandom-san, as he is known in Japan, shows us that it doesn't matter how old or busted-faced you are. You can be a real man...dom. Just think of this video as your inspiration for the weekend of attracting the opposite sex. Our actions are going to speak louder than words. 'Cause nobody wants to read or listen on Friday. Nobody.



And I just want to point out, Bronson doesn't say a single word. Mandom.

Look at the Freaks!!!!!! Look at the Freaks!!!!

It's that time of year! The time when those of us whom have been abnormally shaped physically and mentally can revel in like company and let our freak flag fly. The time when a skinny Mulder and fat Skully will ask my fat, bald, hairy ass home for a freak fest! YES! I bit that from American Dad! YES! Bake and Shark are participating in the this wondrous occasion and will blend right in!

ANIME FEST! COMIC CON! TOGETHER! IN NYC!

We call it home...
Its like a sci-fi convention with more cute little asians running around. And, although some people will deny it up and down, we all know that's why half the guys in the place are there. Lewis Skolnik said what all of us were thinking when he gets the girl and confesses, "All jocks think about is football. All nerds think about is sex." That was Revenge of the Nerds for all you who are too young. But, the best reason to go this event is because you can see an amazing blend beautiful people in spandex, amazing art work and costumes, and the train wrecks emulating the two former. At any point, no matter where you stand on the dork scale, you can get caught gawking at a hottie, turn to the person seeking to embarrass you(person you are having sex with) with condescending look and say, "Look at the freaks!", and get away with it scott free. The media installment for today encases all of these things in a comic from in honor of this glorious and strange event is provided by www.charismaman.com.
Some people just tell it like it is.... and then we all laugh.
And one more 'cause south park just nailed it too good.

Over Logging
Tags: SOUTH
PARKmore...

Hump Day Balls!!!!!!!!

It's Hump Day and you know you are not excited about it. Mostly because nobody who is anybody drinks on Wednesday anymore. We both know you are hung over from yesterday and trying to be ready for tomorrow because you are going to do it all over again and regret it Friday when you actually WANT to go out, but can't break the vicious cycle and have to wait 'til Saturday making you hungover on Sunday which is the day you were SUPPOSED to do laundry and clean. This is when you manage to tell your self you are going to have a more productive week and are committed to starting strong on Monday, only to manage holding in your rage and frustration 'til Tuesday because the clarity of Monday had the opposite effect it was supposed to on your self esteem. And THIS is why you are getting a video to help you at least feel comfort in the fact that you didn't take up the same habits with acid as you did with booze. 'Cause this is what you would look like:




THAT'S RIGHT!! You end up with an eye patch, excess body hair, nut-huggers, and the giggles!
...Wait... That kinda sounds fun... I think I don't WANT to be an miserable nine-to-fiver like you people. I'M going to go run NAKED in the under 20 lbs. section of the Thompkins Square dog park holding my arms out and making airplane noises right now! SCREW YOU SQUARES!!!!

Politics Are In the Air!

Voting time is encroaching like christmas! I, Bake, am a very poor political participant and Shark is not allowed to vote because he is not a REAL American. So, more than the voting, we enjoy the political satire that comes with the season! Now, I know Sarah Palin will be making her mark on the season with gripping verbal skills that tug at our heart strings. And, the Stewart-Colbert showdown will make our blood roil(real word, look it up before one of you ESL pseudo intellectuals try to correct me. I found it mashing keys on Word Womp). But, what about the little guy? Where is the everyman? He's at FOX, of course!

Power Duo

Do you wonder what it's like to be in a power duo? Would you like to find out? Does duoship make you fear commitment? Here at Bake and Shark, we would like provide you with an accessible view into the world of a quintessential power duo. Us.
"But, Bake and Shark", you ask, " What if I'm not the right candidate for a power duo?"
Fear not!!!! Liberally peppered into this informative and educational on-line resource will be random and useless filling that serves only to waste your time and ours for those of us feel being angry and alone is better... Actually, fuck it. Lets just be honest with each other. We have the attention spans of goldfish and the grammar of nitrous addicts who just cleared a four-foot bong. And informative blogs are for scientists and really, really big assholes. We are here to waste your time. If you learn something, sorry. It won't happen again.

Here is your premier(pronounced Prem-E-A) post From two people who have carefully crafted meaning from booze and salad.







You can also find all of the other clues on Youtube if you you feel the same urge we did to profile this magnanimous knight of unsung dark justice...